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just breathe

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I have been accused of glorifying the fact that I am busy.

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I have also been accused of using my busyness like a badge of honour.

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I have even been accused of criticizing those who are not as busy with the same sorts of things.

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I am guilty of doing all of these things.

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keep-calm-and-dolce-far-niente-3

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When you chose to start your own business, you chose to take on all that comes along with that decision, including extreme busyness.

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Your choice affects the people who love you in ways that you should consider if you want them to feel like they are in this with you.

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It still amazes me how one question, when asked lovingly and by someone you trust implicitly, can change the lens with which you see your entire life through.

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During one of our more casual conversations, a mentor and close friend asked me: “how will you know when this business is running you instead of you running it, Cate?”.  I had not considered his question. Ever.

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I stood there speechless so he continued: “How will you know when you have started to sacrifice more than this business is worth?

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How will you know when you have asked too much of the people you love?

How much is enough?”

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Do you know the answer to that question for your life?

life

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As a new entrepreneur, I am a little embarrassed to say that I hadn’t really considered his question.

 

Like most entrepreneurs, I got caught up in the rush of adrenaline that we experience as we fight to make real a vision that pulls at us constantly.

 

 

I knew my husband would support me in any way necessary to see me succeed.  I knew my kids would always love me…and is there such a thing as too much success ?

 

Here is what I forgot to remember:  there are always costs associated with big life decisions  – relational, financial, physical, spiritual, and emotional – and those things affect everybody who loves and supports you.

It is wise to consider them before you begin your adventure.

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Your answers to these questions are critical to your relationships and to your success in business.

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easier not better

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I sat down with my husband and asked the same questions and he had some answers for me, much to my surprise. He talked about our children and their need to see me and feel important. He explained that he could see a difference in their demeanour when they felt disconnected from me.  

He said four words that made my heart sink: “they need their mother”.

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So the difficult conversation begins…

We talked about putting boundaries in place that would honour our marriage and our children.

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We talked about keeping physically healthy so that while I was building this new business I would remain healthy.

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We talked about what he would need to take care of the home front so that both he and our children always felt like they were part of this new adventure.

We promised to hold each other accountable so neither of us ever felt lost in our marriage.

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Sounds great on paper – more difficult in real life.

Our conversation felt odd to me; I have always felt like conversations around “healthy boundaries” are for people who don’t observe any and people in 12 step programs, but I was dead wrong.

 

Some of the most impactful conversations I have had are around expectations and boundaries.

It is impossible to know when you have violated an expectation or boundary if you have not defined any. 

 

We all have expectations of others whether we realize it or not and having these conversations allow us to define and express those expectations so that we are able to honour boundaries and love each other well.

 

It is painful to hear a loved one admit they have felt less important, let down, or ignored.

Healthy relationships thrive on these conversations; they welcome the clarity, accountability, and responsibility they bring.

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Do you wonder if you are living on a slippery slope ?

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When you repeatedly justify violating boundaries around family time, relationships, and friends…you are failing yourself and the people who love you.

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When your focus become so narrow that you can go days and weeks without wondering how others are feeling or what they may need from you…you are failing yourself and the people who love you.

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When your busyness becomes your badge of honour and justification for judging others…you are failing yourself and the people who love you.

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Healthy, honest conversations around expectations and boundaries are not optional if you want to succeed in any part of your life, they are critical.

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Cate Moore

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